Parenting Styles

Parenting Styles

One of the major pieces of knowledge I took away from my learning journey is the different parenting styles. In the parenting styles video, I learned about the three different styles of parenting including: a jawbreaker, a marshmallow and a tennis ball. Although I knew the different parenting styles, this was a different way for me to learn about them. For me, I had never heard parenting styles being compared to animate objects, but it truly helped me understand each style individually. I was able to visualize my parents and other examples I had around me growing up. I was better able to analyze the types of parents mine were, and what I want to become.

The video first discusses a jawbreaker, or authoritarian parent. This parent is strict and rigid when it comes to disciplining. They take away their children’s agency and opportunities to learn.The video discusses a pendulum swing between the two different types, where on the other side is the permissive parent or the marshmallow. This parent is soft. They are a push-over when it comes to rules and discipline. They on the other hand give their child too much agency to the point where they become irresponsible or reckless. In the middle of the pendulum is the authoritative parent. This parent is an equal balance, that sets healthy boundaries with their kids while still allowing them to make their own choices.

“A tennis ball is firm on the outside, but has an incredible amount of give. In fact, the amount of bounce that a single tennis ball changes over time, which can be likened to learning, changing, and progressing over time while parenting.”  A tennis ball is also fuzzy, representing softness, or a warm and fuzzy personality, one that is approachable.” This really helped me understand my own parents style.

Although both of my parents were different in style, they were both authoritative. My parents were able to set healthy boundaries that respected my agency and helped me to learn from my experiences, both successes and failures. My parents gave me more freedom as I got older, but I knew that with this freedom came great responsibility. I knew that my parents trusted me enough to make decisions for myself. Although I failed most of the time, my parents were still a guiding and loving light in my life. They taught me that failure is a part of life and that as long as I learned from it, that I wasn’t failing.

“Parents who apply an authoritative style of parenting have high levels of warmth and high levels of expectations, yet they are willing to guide and negotiate with their children.” I can totally see this in my own parents! Although they weren’t perfect, they rarely disciplined me without discussing my perspective. This helped me become more independent and confident in my own agency. Because my parents taught me the right principles and let me use my agency when appropriate I was able to learn for myself. This was a powerful lesson, and something I want my own children to know.

Although there are many things I would want to do differently than my parents, I am so grateful they allowed me to use my agency to the best of their ability. An authoritarian parent understands that agency is a gift from God. I want to parent in a way that is still loving, yet effective in disciplining my own children.

Brigham Young once said, “I will here say to parents, that kind words and loving actions towards children, will subdue their uneducated nature a great deal better than the rod, or, in other words, than physical punishment.”  This is one of my favorite quotes because it explains perfectly how a parent can still be discipline their child and still be loving. By seeing their own children as children of Heavenly Father first will always be beneficial for your child.

Understanding the responsibility and stewardship that parents have over children helps us better understand how to interact and help them along the path back to Him. When we take away their agency and try to make every decision for them, we are not only taking away their opportunities to learn for themselves, but also to experience pain and joy. This is not part of Heavenly Father’s plan for us. Teaching children about agency helps them better understand how they can interact with others. They are better able to understand the choices of others and show compassion towards them.