Praise

Praise

One of the greatest takeaways I have gained from this course is learning about praise. For me, my love language is words of affirmation. Hearing my loved ones express gratitude, compliment me or offer support boosts my confidence! It was interesting to see how that connects with parental praise. Growing up, I was involved in many extra curricular activities such as, choir, show choir, theatre, swimming, volleyball and church. While learning about praise, I was able to see how it affected my relationship with my parents.

I grew up in a unique set of quadruplets. I loved it! But everything became a competition between us, especially when we were younger. I knew I was “ahead” of my other siblings if I got more praise than they did. This changed drastically as I neared the end of high school. My sister joined show choir with me. This was a HUGE point of contention for a while. But, later it became a way for my sister and I to connect and bond with each other. Everything I participated in then became something I enjoyed, instead of just a competition. I think this had to do a lot with how my parents praised us as children. They were very careful not to praise one child too much.

Praise is so important in how a child sees themselves and interacts in the world around them. In the article, “Are We Spoiling Our Children With Too Much Praise?” it states, “A child who is praised often will begin to crave the satisfaction he or she gets from pleasing their parent, teacher, or caregiver. Instead of doing something for the pure joy of it, the child will begin to do it simply for the praise. This is not a healthy cycle, and it can turn children into approval addicts. Their worth comes from the recognition they get rather than an inner sense of achievement or fulfilment.”

In other words, if a child receives too much praise, they soon start to only do things for praise and not because they enjoy what they are doing. It is a very careful pendulum swing. When must give our child enough praise that they feel accomplished, but not too much that they only do things for that sole reason. They lose their passion for things they enjoy and will be in constant competition with themselves.

The article continues stating, “One simple way is to praise the effort over the outcome. Not only does this encourage them to keep doing whatever it is, it takes the focus away from “good” and “bad,” placing it on the idea that working toward something can be its own reward. In other words, instead of thinking about praising our children, we should be concentrating on encouraging them. Some psychologists are keen to emphasize that we need to provide specific feedback rather than overall generalizations. We should also work toward creating an atmosphere where children feel safe making mistakes. Failure is part of the process of learning and is something we often overlook.” By understanding how we should praise children, we can effectively motivate them. We encourage them to push themselves for themselves.